14 Aug Explaining Surrogacy to Your Children
The surrogacy process for both the intended parents and the surrogate mother is unique. It will bring unforeseen joy and hardship, unlike any other experience. And such a particular situation may be challenging to explain to your children. Whether discussing the origins of your surrogate-born child or explaining the process as a surrogate mother to your own children, explaining it all to your children can be a challenging task. The good news is that as a family, you’re in it together. And with proper attention to the well-being of your children and their inherent needs, such an impactful conversation can create exceptional unity.
Explaining the origins of your surrogate-born child:
Children are astute and observant. They’ll notice differences about themselves and their family and start to question any missing parts of the standard family equation. However, you can cultivate positivity and pride in who they are, where they came from, and the nature of your unique family.
- Promptly address their “how was I born” inquiries. Do this as soon as you believe they can comprehend the situation. Remember that children are resilient and profoundly open-minded. And as such, they will appreciate your honesty and transparency. Neglecting to share their beginnings may lead to feelings of guilt, shame, and distrust. So, build a strong family foundation and share their story of how they came to be. And as you do so, encourage comfort and pride in who they are!
- Document and share with your child, the surrogacy journey from which they came. This will help them understand the situation and fully comprehend their origins! Photos of the surrogate mother’s pregnancy and stories of how your child came to be will make the conversation more tangible. With complete openness, you will build trust in your relationship with your child.
- Read books about surrogacy with your child. These will normalize their situation and aid in their understanding. They may feel different than most children. But books are influential in reminding them that they are wonderfully unique and valuable in creative ways!
Explaining your journey as a surrogate mother to your own children:
As a surrogate, you likely have children of your own. And so, it is important that your entire family shares in your surrogacy experience. You’ll need to explain to your kids what you are doing and why. And eventually, you may even invite them to partner with you in helping another family. This can be a uniting experience as you all help welcome new life!
- Teach your kids about the family you are helping. Show them pictures and share their story. You might even consider scheduling a time for everyone to meet. This will help your children feel more connected to the situation and excited about helping people in need
- Let your kids be involved. Encourage them to take pictures of your progress, write letters, and draw pictures for the intended parents. You can also help them think of creative ways to welcome the new baby upon its arrival!
- Your children may be confronted with questions about the surrogacy process and your decision to pursue it. Prepare them with answers in the case that they do not know how to respond. Help them explain to their peers, friends, and even strangers the purpose and process of surrogacy.
The surrogacy process is ideally a collective experience- one that is shared with your entire family. By setting a positive and enthusiastic example, your kids will find joy and purpose in the process. And in your collective experience, you will create profound unity within your family!